Wednesday, March 13th, 2013

Dear Yahshua,

I really need your help Lord in so many ways.  Its been so long since I’ve spoken to you here and a lot has happened.  Right now I’m worried about my vices and I know you can help me overcome them.  I know I’m a hypochondriac but I’m worried about my drinking habits.  I don’t think I;m out of control but I drink more often than I’d like to admit.  I’m certain my drinking and smoking will hold me back from seeing Heaven but I need your help to overcome these habits.  These habits are taking their toll on my finances but I fear it could get out of control this summer if I do in fact spend much time with Andrew in Ocean City.

I REALLY need your help with my relationship with Camile.  I’m looking to break up with her and I’m totally convinced it is the right move.  I don’t know if I’m being impatient, greedy, or immature, or all of the above.  Thinking about how her face will look when I have the conversation with her is disturbing to me.  She deserves better than me Lord.  If she only knew the things I’ve done and said behind her back, she would agree.  I have not been the best boyfriend to her and I doubt she’d find any better of a husband in me.  My heart yearns to go out and pursue other women.  These feelings are clouding my mood on a daily basis.  I need to break it off and be done Lord but I need to leave it on a good note so for now I hold my peace.  I pray Lord you’ll allow me to go see her next weekend in order to end it.  Part of me hopes we argue and bicker this weekend just to make the breakup next weekend go smoother and perhaps she’ll find it less of a surprise.  It saddens me to think of her family too.  I pray that when I do it, her family’s opinions of me won’t change.

Its not sex specifically that I desire in pursuing other women but I just need a change I suppose.  I pray that you place a woman in my life that is not of my race, loves me for me, and shares many of the same habits and interests.  I need someone I’m not going to frequently bicker with over small things.  I also need her to be a Christian or open to the idea of accepting You in her life.  That is a must.  I will not be with a woman that refuses you.

I have so much more to bring to you Lord but I think this is a good start.  Thank you.

Love,

Good and Faithful Servant

Dear Yahshua,It…

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2012

Dear Yahshua,

Its been a while since I’ve written to you. I know I talk to you here and there throughout my day.  As my schedule has gotten more hectic, learning about you has somehow fallen to the wayside.  Previously in the semester it was convenient to get into the scriptures while I was at work.  When this was no longer possible I very well could’ve and should’ve made time for you outside of my work and school schedule.  As a result I find myself slipping deeper into sin.  Tali put it right when he said one sin leads to another.  I get drunk and then I want to smoke weed, I smoke weed and then I want to look at porn, and somewhere along the line I’ve begun to curse.  I need your help to get me back in order.  I know restraint on my part is a piece of it but you and I both know I’ll fail and then what?  I know I can’t fake you out.  If lust/fornication and intoxication were not sins I’d be the best Christian in the world. I don’t struggle with lying, stealing, or violence but I am weak for sensory sins.  Sins that make me feel different or better in some way.  I don’t want to stop smoking weed because I know it damages my lungs, nor because it would disappoint my girlfriend and my family if they discovered it, nor alienate me from my friends, nor because it can get me in legal trouble if caught but because I know it separates me from you.  At least I feel like it does.  I’m probably not going to quit smoking weed today.  Nor tomorrow either.  I just want to be honest.  I really need your help Lord.

Love,

Good and Faithful Servant

Dear Yahshua, …

Thursday, February 23rd, 2012

Dear Yahshua,

 

Forgive me Father.  I’ve been doing terrible lately.  Relieve me from these thoughts. I fear I’ll give in soon…

 

Love,

Good and Faithful Servant

Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

Dear Yahshua,

The video I just watched left me in awe and wondering.  Wondering what you would say to me if I were in that man’s shoes.  Would you scold me the same?  Worse?  I think worse.  I know I’ve really been slipping these past few weeks.  I don’t know what to do and I really need you to help me and show me what it is I’m supposed to be doing.  Besides staying away from sin, believing, and helping others, what constitutes a holy life?

I repent of lusting everyday. I repent of getting drunk.  And I repent of smoking when I was hungover.  Please forgive me.  If you have a plan for me I ask that you’d present it to me in a clear fashion because I feel like I’m oblivious.  Is it the video games that are holding me back?  If that is the case I ask that you destroy or take them from me.  If the video games are corrupting me and keeping you from me, please Lord destroy my Xbox or allow a thief to take the Xbox and the games.

I don’t know what you want. Is it my mindset?  I just want you to correct me and set me on the right track before you end my life.  I know I can’t bear to stand in front of you and have you reject me.

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

Dear Yashua,

I realize it has been much too long since I last spoke to you here.  I am distressed.  I take pride in going a day without sinning or with minimal unintentional sin.  It is hard for me to distinguish between being like you and being sinless.  I know being sinless will not grant my entry to Heaven.  Only faith, trust and reliance on You will do that.

That scripture about how on the day of judgement many will call to you, “Lord, Lord.”  And you will tell them you never knew them.  I desperately don’t want to be one of those people.  To try and straighten out and live my life the way You want, only to find out it wasn’t good enough, would destroy me.

Please Lord, help me to wake people up.  I have never gone on a missionary trip, nor testified to anyone but nearly everyday I try to show people what is going on in this world through Facebook and Twitter.  I feel most do not listen, nor do they care.  I know most of my posts are not of a religious nature per se but I’m trying to be a watchman.  I really am. Could you give me the know-how and strength to post things of religious significance?  I suppose Lord, that I fear offending friends and acquaintances.  Who will listen to me if they feel I have insulted them?  I do not want to be a Christian that beats people over the head with the Bible.  Please help.  I pray that I am worthy enough to escape those things coming with your return.

Love,

Good and Faithful Servant

Monday, December 12th, 2011

Dear Yashua,

I am a dead sinner.  A repeat offender.  Lord I have fallen into sexual sin once again.  I do not know how to say, “No.”  I don’t want to hear you say you never knew me.  Though I’m told that through faith in you I’ll be saved but thats not a free ticket to just go out and sin as I please.  I know I am a man will sin until the day I die but I just don’t want to feel like I let you down.  Please help me.

Is my attitude towards Muslims wrong?  Because so many think Christianity is foolishness, does that mean I shouldn’t bother trying to show them the right way?  I’m so flawed myself Lord.  Most of the time I don’t feel worthy enough to speak to someone about you.

Was my attitude toward Rafat wrong?  I don’t think being a Christian means I must be a punching bag and let anyone do what they want.  You know it bothers me inside to see things the way they are in the house, Lord but I feel like he brought it on himself.  I’m not big enough to go to him and straighten things out.  Especially because I suspect things are bound to get worse when I head home and ask for the Comcast money.  I pray oh God that you show me wrong and have Rafat have the money prepared when I ask.

You know my many shortcomings Lord.  Please help me to get to know you better and let that show in my daily dealings.  In your name I pray, amen.

Love,

Good and Faithful Servant

Monday, December 5th, 2011

Dear Yashua,

I have disappointed you much this weekend.  I’ve been struggling a lot recently with sexual sins.  Its tough for an unmarried 21 year old male to keep his mind and his body pure. Especially when surrounded by so many temptations.  I ask that you give me more strength to overcome those temptations.

I praise you for the opportunity you gave me today.  I feel really good inside for helping him out.  I ask you give me more opportunities in the future to show your love and even a chance to discuss you with whoever you put in front of me.

 

Love,

Good and Faithful Servant

Tuesday, November 29th, 2011

Dear Yashua,

It feels good speaking to you here.  I feel relieved in a sense filling this white space telling you of my thoughts, worries, fears, praises, and regrets.  I felt disconnected from you this weekend.  I think it was because I wasn’t spending as much time learning about you and your plans for this world.  I’m worried for my soul, I know it is impossible for me to be without sin no matter how hard I strive.  I worry that when the day of the catching up comes, I will not be in that number.  I lust a lot, I’m not as kind and patient as a Christian should be sometimes, I haven’t brought anyone to you, nor do I serve the poor.  I’m not sure this is the kind of person that will meet you in the sky.  To me this sounds like the kind of person that will be left, ashamed, and must prove their faith in the face of a hateful adversary.

I have asked you to present me with opportunities to bring a soul to you or to serve the less fortunate.  Am I being lazy in waiting for you to present me with those opportunities?  Is attending the Seventh Day Adventist church an opportunity that I’m passing up? Is that what you want for me?

I see a lot of brothers and sisters talk about how the rapture is coming soon.  I’m skeptical that it will be within the next year based on the clues you left in your word.  I ask that you open my eyes to see more of your signs.  Let me be a watchman, give me a voice so that I may warn others effectively.  I want to serve you.  Please strengthen my walk so that I may be worthy to avoid those things leading up to your return.

Please look after Dr. Leoutsakas, he is a good man.  I’m not sure if he knows you, though I think he does.  He has done a lot for me and I pray you have riches in Heaven waiting for him.  Please look after my family and Camile and her family. Thank you Lord God.

Love,

Good and Faithful Servant

Friday, November 18th, 2011

Dear Yashua,

I say in modesty that I’m happy with my progress thus far.  You know it has been difficult to leave some things behind but I feel that as time goes on, things have gotten easier.  I’m struggling with the Sabbath.  After hearing a brother speak, I’m left wondering if it is my duty as your servant to honor the Sabbath in the traditional sense or whether it is more righteous of me to honor you in spending time with you all seven days of the week.  I suppose this arises from the schism between old testament laws and the new testament practices.  I know that you are not the author of confusion but Lord I am confused.

I’m contemplating attending a Seventh Day Adventist service.  I’m hesitant. I suppose part of me is afraid I’ll find something strange or something I don’t like.  I’m not sure if I’m quite ready to join a church yet.  Also the issue of video games has been on my mind.  Some Christians think Christians ought not play violent video games or games with magic and such.  You know Skyrim has been one of my favorites recently.  Magic and the like are recurring themes.  I don’t feel spiritually troubled from playing nor do I adopt any of the occult beliefs in the game. I do not doubt that you more than likely dislike the game. But I may be wrong in thinking that, if it does no harm to the aware believer then where is the issue?  Maybe I’m fooling myself.  I hope if that is the case you’ll convict me on it sooner than later.

I thank you for helping me with my desires for sex.  You know that has been my biggest struggle from a young age.  I ask that you continue to strengthen me against that temptation.

Love,

Good and Faithful Servant

Tuesday, November 15th, 2011

Dear Yashua,

 

The last thing I want is for you to think me a lukewarm Christian.  I do not go to church, I don’t serve at the soup kitchen, and I haven’t brought anyone that I know of to Christ.  In the eyes of men, I may be considered a lukewarm Christian.  I know you know my heart and I hope you don’t think I’m lazy but I ask that you present more opportunities to me to show you.

I ask that you give me patience, Lord.  I notice I’m impatient when speaking with people from time to time.  If I don’t have much interest in what they’re saying I zone out and wish they’d quickly stop speaking.  I didn’t use to be this way, Lord.  I find myself doing that with Camile sometimes too.  That bothers me because if you intend for our relationship to result in marriage, listening is key.  I also feel wrong for thinking about other women from time to time.  Usually in a sexual way and I know you don’t approve.  I don’t really know how to stop and I suppose its a part of being young but I don’t see that as a valid excuse in your eyes.

Camile wants to start going to church.  You know I want to support her in that but I don’t really feel church is for me.  I’m not passing judgement on all churches but the ones I know of don’t feed my spirit.  You know I’m not one for the whooping and hollering found in the local black churches and the “Jesus Loves You” messages at Allen Memorial gets old.  Nowhere in the Bible does it say going to church is required but I suppose deep down I feel like its something I should do.  If it is in your will, I ask that you bring my attention to a church that will give me the sort of message I’m looking for.  If it is not in your will, I’m fine with the youtube videos.

I wish to thank you for showing me what is coming down the pipe.  For most people its the promise of eternal happiness and love that bring people to you.  For me it apparently is a promise of pain and misery if I don’t come to you!  I’m fearful of the coming war with Iran and I trust you will keep me safe whether in a physical sense or a spiritual one.  Hopefully the former.  I’m thinking of buying a shotgun.  I pray that you never allow me to get into a situation where I have to use it.

Lord just build me up as a Christian, as a son, as a partner to Camile.  Send your Spirit to give me discretion.  Discretion to know right from wrong, to know who has my best interest and who doesn’t, to know what is good for me and what is not.  I want to lead at least one of my friends to you, Lord.  But I don’t feel that I’m spiritually strong enough yet.  I feel like a hypocrite bring You up to them.  And I should know better than anyone why I sound like a nut to them.  I ask especially that you watch over Kester and turn him from weed.  I worry for his health.  He has good sense for the most part and I hope that you will give me a chance to really talk to him about You and Your plans for this world.  I ask that you open his mind and his heart to my words.  Maybe its selfish but I can’t imagine going up in a rapture knowing I did  nothing to bring those I call friends along.

Love,

Good and Faithful Servant

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