Tuesday, November 29th, 2011
It feels good speaking to you here. I feel relieved in a sense filling this white space telling you of my thoughts, worries, fears, praises, and regrets. I felt disconnected from you this weekend. I think it was because I wasn’t spending as much time learning about you and your plans for this world. I’m worried for my soul, I know it is impossible for me to be without sin no matter how hard I strive. I worry that when the day of the catching up comes, I will not be in that number. I lust a lot, I’m not as kind and patient as a Christian should be sometimes, I haven’t brought anyone to you, nor do I serve the poor. I’m not sure this is the kind of person that will meet you in the sky. To me this sounds like the kind of person that will be left, ashamed, and must prove their faith in the face of a hateful adversary.
I have asked you to present me with opportunities to bring a soul to you or to serve the less fortunate. Am I being lazy in waiting for you to present me with those opportunities? Is attending the Seventh Day Adventist church an opportunity that I’m passing up? Is that what you want for me?
I see a lot of brothers and sisters talk about how the rapture is coming soon. I’m skeptical that it will be within the next year based on the clues you left in your word. I ask that you open my eyes to see more of your signs. Let me be a watchman, give me a voice so that I may warn others effectively. I want to serve you. Please strengthen my walk so that I may be worthy to avoid those things leading up to your return.
Please look after Dr. Leoutsakas, he is a good man. I’m not sure if he knows you, though I think he does. He has done a lot for me and I pray you have riches in Heaven waiting for him. Please look after my family and Camile and her family. Thank you Lord God.
Good and Faithful Servant
Friday, November 18th, 2011
I say in modesty that I’m happy with my progress thus far. You know it has been difficult to leave some things behind but I feel that as time goes on, things have gotten easier. I’m struggling with the Sabbath. After hearing a brother speak, I’m left wondering if it is my duty as your servant to honor the Sabbath in the traditional sense or whether it is more righteous of me to honor you in spending time with you all seven days of the week. I suppose this arises from the schism between old testament laws and the new testament practices. I know that you are not the author of confusion but Lord I am confused.
I’m contemplating attending a Seventh Day Adventist service. I’m hesitant. I suppose part of me is afraid I’ll find something strange or something I don’t like. I’m not sure if I’m quite ready to join a church yet. Also the issue of video games has been on my mind. Some Christians think Christians ought not play violent video games or games with magic and such. You know Skyrim has been one of my favorites recently. Magic and the like are recurring themes. I don’t feel spiritually troubled from playing nor do I adopt any of the occult beliefs in the game. I do not doubt that you more than likely dislike the game. But I may be wrong in thinking that, if it does no harm to the aware believer then where is the issue? Maybe I’m fooling myself. I hope if that is the case you’ll convict me on it sooner than later.
I thank you for helping me with my desires for sex. You know that has been my biggest struggle from a young age. I ask that you continue to strengthen me against that temptation.
Good and Faithful Servant
Tuesday, November 15th, 2011
The last thing I want is for you to think me a lukewarm Christian. I do not go to church, I don’t serve at the soup kitchen, and I haven’t brought anyone that I know of to Christ. In the eyes of men, I may be considered a lukewarm Christian. I know you know my heart and I hope you don’t think I’m lazy but I ask that you present more opportunities to me to show you.
I ask that you give me patience, Lord. I notice I’m impatient when speaking with people from time to time. If I don’t have much interest in what they’re saying I zone out and wish they’d quickly stop speaking. I didn’t use to be this way, Lord. I find myself doing that with Camile sometimes too. That bothers me because if you intend for our relationship to result in marriage, listening is key. I also feel wrong for thinking about other women from time to time. Usually in a sexual way and I know you don’t approve. I don’t really know how to stop and I suppose its a part of being young but I don’t see that as a valid excuse in your eyes.
Camile wants to start going to church. You know I want to support her in that but I don’t really feel church is for me. I’m not passing judgement on all churches but the ones I know of don’t feed my spirit. You know I’m not one for the whooping and hollering found in the local black churches and the “Jesus Loves You” messages at Allen Memorial gets old. Nowhere in the Bible does it say going to church is required but I suppose deep down I feel like its something I should do. If it is in your will, I ask that you bring my attention to a church that will give me the sort of message I’m looking for. If it is not in your will, I’m fine with the youtube videos.
I wish to thank you for showing me what is coming down the pipe. For most people its the promise of eternal happiness and love that bring people to you. For me it apparently is a promise of pain and misery if I don’t come to you! I’m fearful of the coming war with Iran and I trust you will keep me safe whether in a physical sense or a spiritual one. Hopefully the former. I’m thinking of buying a shotgun. I pray that you never allow me to get into a situation where I have to use it.
Lord just build me up as a Christian, as a son, as a partner to Camile. Send your Spirit to give me discretion. Discretion to know right from wrong, to know who has my best interest and who doesn’t, to know what is good for me and what is not. I want to lead at least one of my friends to you, Lord. But I don’t feel that I’m spiritually strong enough yet. I feel like a hypocrite bring You up to them. And I should know better than anyone why I sound like a nut to them. I ask especially that you watch over Kester and turn him from weed. I worry for his health. He has good sense for the most part and I hope that you will give me a chance to really talk to him about You and Your plans for this world. I ask that you open his mind and his heart to my words. Maybe its selfish but I can’t imagine going up in a rapture knowing I did nothing to bring those I call friends along.
Good and Faithful Servant